Childhood Emotional Negligence

Childhood Emotional Negligence

Ep1

“How to heal from CEN  (Childhood Emotional Negligence) ” the first time I came across these words is at my early 20’s. I had no idea till then such thing existed. I read those words at the smallest column while I was casually going through newspaper. The moment I read the title I couldn’t dare to read the whole part. For few days it just stuck in my head although I don’t want to think about it. I kept my brain busy to completely avoid thinking about it. The more I avoided the more I ended up thinking about it. 2 months back when my health wasn’t in good condition and not getting any better, I was suffering myself physically and emotionally.  Sometimes I couldn’t help but cry about it even though I held it myself as much as possible. I still remember the loud sounds of my parents yelling at me and me trembling over helplessness whenever they parents saw me crying. They don’t like me being vulnerable and show my weak side. They emotionally abused me for crying, they blamed my ruined health condition was because of my negligence. They yelled at me for few minutes, I tried my best to held everything and went back to my room. I was convinced that it was my fault.  I went to visit my grandma for change of environment and to better myself. As soon as I went in there she gave me a tight hug and kissed me on my cheeks and she asked me how was I doing. At that very moment my tears won’t stop falling. My grandma took me to her room. She hugged me again. I bawled my eyes out. She pated my back and said everything will be okay and kissed me on my cheeks again. She said it’s not my fault when I vented out everything. “That pat on my shoulder, that hug, those words “it’s not your fault” are what I badly craved . While I walked back home I realized I never got this emotional support from my parents all my life. I was emotionally neglected all my childhood until now. Today after 2 months I casually asked my parents about emotional support. They mocked me for craving them, they made me believe I am over sensitive and “weak”.